The Good, The Bad, and the... Amazing!

Reflections of a First-Time Foster Dad...

     "What do think about being Foster Parents" my Wife quizzed me one day out of the blue. 
     "I think I don't want to raise someone else' problem kids" was about what my reply was.
     The conversation went on for a bit, but I was not to be swayed.  I had no desire to deal with all of the "Problems" I perceived foster care to present to my little family.  We had two boys already, aged 3 and 5, and I had already brought seven children into this world and watched two of them leave just as quickly as they had come.  Not withstanding my own still tender feelings over the loss of our two little ones, I also questioned whether my Wife was really ready for the "Challenges" I feared were an inevitable part of being Foster Parents.  My biggest worry was whether she could let go of these children when or if the time came to return them to their parents.  I really saw no upside the the idea at all, only the negatives.
     I put that conversation out of my mind quickly and moved on... but my Wife did not.  Within a few days I was being shown stories and information online about being Foster Parents, She can really be relentless when she becomes focused on a goal (something I Love about her).  After a bit (quite a bit) more encouragement (prodding), I agreed to take the training classes with her on the basis that we would get trained and then decide whether it still sounded like a good idea for our family.
     By the end of the first training session (four hours worth) I was a convert!  I saw both how my Wife truly wanted the chance to help these children and how much that help was needed.  I knew that it had to be all or nothing and jumped in with both feet and never looked back (well... not yet anyway, more on that later).  We were now of one mind and plowed through the training as fast as we could do it.  We were on a mission and nothing was going to slow us down.  Thirty two hours of training, background checks, kid-proofing our home, setting up the extra bedroom, a home study (inspection), and finally we had our license...  Now came the wait.
     Because of our earlier loss, one Boy and one Girl (barely a year earlier), my Wife wanted a baby girl.  We talked to our RFC (Resource Family Consultant) about our  desire for a baby girl and, since our license allowed, the possibility of taking two siblings if the opportunity came for us (always assuming one would be a baby girl of course).  As our wait began to push on into months... one day that call finally came, there were two children, a boy and a girl.  But wait...  as my Wife explained it to me I looked at her quizzically.  A boy, two years old (almost) and a girl, three and a half years old...  "I thought we were only going to do it if there was a baby" I said.  She had told the RFC that she would call back in just a few minutes and tell him our answer, so we had a short... but fateful discussion.  Even though it wasn't what we had "wanted", it was what we wanted to do!  Anyway, we mused, only a "Few" of the foster placements end up in adoption, the large majority of kids go back with their birth parents once the situations that separated them have been resolved.
     So off to the Christmas Box House we went to meet our new family members.  We had almost no background information at this point as they had been removed from their home late the previous evening and, since it was a weekend, had been taken the the CBH.  We told our two boys about what we were doing and piled them in our van as we left.  To say our boys were excited would be an understatement.  They had their names memorized before we arrived and swept them up as though they were shiny new Christmas gifts!  For their part, our little foster kids seemed just as happy to see us.  And off we went home to begin the adventure that would forever change our Lives and our Family!
   
That was January 14, 2012...  Fast Forward to October 25, 2013.

     To say that being a Foster Dad (or mom for that matter) is a simple task would be a lie,  but by the same token to say it is without reward would be equally false.  In the nearly two years we have cared for these precious little ones we have faced the horrible reality of their previous life in startling ways, and we have watched as they have blossomed into vibrant growing, learning, and loving members of our Family.  I may, at some future day, blog about some of the "challenges" and "problems" that Were, as I had first feared... and then embraced, part of being a Foster Dad.  Today though it is all about the rewards.
     Being a dad, for me is all about watching your children grow and progress! Being a part of their lives and helping them to live up to their potential.  What I couldn't wrap my head around that first day when my Wife hit me with the idea of being Foster Parents was that I would thrill to the growth and progress of foster kids just as much I do my own.  In fact as the days turned to months and then to years I found that they Are "My Own" in ways I'm still only beginning to truly understand.

     So as we made the final step in bringing this family together at the Bountiful, Utah LDS Temple everything came into perfect and eternal focus.  All the challenges were pushed into memory and all that mattered was the Now...  and the Happily Ever After is about to begin.  After all the pictures were taken and the tears and hugs were exchanged we walked to our car to leave.  As we walked I called to my Wife... "Hey Sweetheart...", She turned to me...  "We should do this Again!"
    A little rearranging of the furniture, another home study, a little talk with the RFC...  one day soon (we hope!) that phone will ring again!  As for Me?  I Can't Wait!   ...ring...ring...ring...